High Expectations, Communication Gaps Ruin Marriages: Psychologist

ISLAMABAD, (UrduPoint / Pakistan Point News - 11th Feb, 2025) Psychologist and CEO of Psych Infinity, Kiran Aamir Tuesday said clashes were normal part of any marriage, but most marital troubles stem from unrealistic expectations and poor communication.

Talking to APP she said love marriages often see more conflicts as partners assume they already had perfect compatibility and understanding she said that such partners expect perfection without discussing their expectations.

Explaining the first red flag in the marital relationship, she said dissatisfaction with oneself, one’s partner or the relationship was the initial marker.

“Behavioral changes like constant quietness, frequent quarrels, excessive complaining or difficulty expressing feelings are clear indicators that something is wrong”, she maintained.

Not all conflicts are bad, Kiran said adding, “If minor clashes bring partners closer, they’re healthy but if they create distance, it’s time to address the issues”.

The psychologist explained the evolution of marriage over time and said that marriage has shifted from an economic arrangement to a romantic partnership. “With more women becoming financially independent, marriage now revolves around companionship, intimacy and mutual support during tough times”, she highlighted.

Kiran stressed that mediation in relationships should only happen with mutual consent and couples should consult someone who is objective and understands their lifestyle.

When it comes to professional counselling, she clarified that psychologists don’t make decisions for their clients instead, they help couples explore conflicts from new perspectives and empathize with each other.

“Most people seek help because they want to stay together but can’t resolve their issues alone,” she said and warned that therapy can’t fix problems if one partner completely lacks the will to work on the relationship.

In cases of deep-rooted issues like ideological differences, personality disorders, abuse, or cheating, Kiran suggested that dissolving the marriage might be the best option. “If the issues can’t be forgiven and are affecting your peace, it’s better to part ways”, she said.

Staying together just for the sake of children, she said, often leads to toxic relationships that negatively impact the kids. The psychologist said that while ending a marriage is painful, it is necessary when growth stops, peace is lost and hurt becomes routine.

She concluded that no marriage is perfect, but it can always be better. She advised that couples should focus on building a relationship that is healthy, communicative and realistic.

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